change of mind

The forbidden tree in paradise is just a paradox to me just like the doughnut hole. an empty hole, empty, nothingness, nothing rendered edible. I have decided that namimg something that is not there doesnt translate into being.
Take that one thing you have been chasing. that one person you so much wanted to be a part of but he/she doesnt want you in their life. you ask, do i keep holding on to it, to nothingness or should i bless him/her for not being part of my life and wish whoever all the best in his/her life?

There is no paradise without a forbidden tree just like there is no doughnut without a doughnut hole and this I understand but it is a new year and as much as we all or I would like to create s little heaven on earth right here, It might be that time to stop making an effort and let someone else do it for me.
Time to make resolutions and hope they stick and doing so, maybe i will realise whatever happens was meant that way.

My resolution list for 2011 reads as follows:
1. Concentrate on people who want me in their lives
2. Live one day at a time
3. Get driving lessons and finally a drivers licence
4. No procrastinating
5. Look for a career that best suits me and/or work towards entrepreneurship
6. Give to the needy and pray for the greedy
7. Love all with an open and pure heart and work on transforming my indifference towards any person into love (this is what my idea of peace is)

You must admit that this is the most stupid list you have ever seen but you should have seen some that i have written in the past that included becoming a nun, getting sponsorship and going to study in oxford. I even thought of going with only one resolution this year. TO BECOME AND DIE A SPINSTER.

Maybe my crazy ideas have made me not blog in like for ever but isn't it true that if you want to write the truth you should write like no one is ever going to read your work. like by the time anyone does, that-if-anywhere else is the only place you will be otherwise you start excusing yourself. i now see my writing as emerging  like a long scroll of ink from the index finger or my right hand and then my left hand erasing it.

I will now walk out of here and make a vision board and i advice everyone ele to do the same so that it's the first and last thing you see when when you get in or out of bed. the thing you see in your house sp often and cannot be ignored.
I am also letting go of all the controversies in my head  that i held onto in head all through 2010. I had strong belief that Mandela should take little or no credit at all for the little transformation he is said to have brought in S.A. My theory, Winnie did all the work so why is she not getting the credit she deserves?! Another would be that there are men trying to give king mswati some competition in terms of being men whores and even though Tiger Woods is/or was giving him a run for his money, there are people in this country who also think that being a man whore is attractive. IT'S NOT. Even though it sounds good to go to a S.A (Sex addicts anonymous) its not impressive so some men should get over themselves and take a chill pill for their egos.

Another, is it just me or did china manufacture a giant to play basketball for them? All that is wrong in the world is made in China but that's just my way of thinking. Not to blow my own horn here but yes, I have interacted with people made in china. The obvious example I should give is that of such men I have met and or dated but men are allowed be stupid some times so my example; A woman I met in Kencal EPZ(I think she needs her own paragraph).   

I have met a lot of stupid people in my life and some include those that think a fly(handsome/beautiful) individuals shouldn't speak swahili coz it brings them down a notch. I am not dealing with this kind of stupid today. The woman in question, someone higher in authority than me and required my respect was indeed a respectable person. intersecting though, she would make it known that she hated Indians. The first time it happened, she turned and said ' I hope you are not Indian.' I am not so I said no. I did not give it much thought tough. It happened again for a second time and she did the same and again, I just thought her memory was maybe poor. It happened a third time and again she turned and asked me the same question. That's when I took time to think about it and  I thought that I wished I was because I have nothing against Indians. If anything, I have a few of them as friends and they are the coolest. Maybe she had  watched too much comedy and thought that that's what you say to sound like an intellectual person when you are not. It happened a fourth and last time and that's when I snapped. I never said anything but boy did i think things. I could imagine myself tell her, 'B***h, if you have something to say to me, just say it. don't  go round pretending you hate Indians and it's me you hate. How about if i told you I hate you and your allergies? hah? Is there something you are not allergic to? Seriously I am tired of your constant snort!!!'

I seriously aren't hating. she was allergic to everything. once, i had tried to shake her hand and she couldn't  but that's cool with me and i understand some things are spewers of germs but she should have been somewhere nursing allergies instead of hating on a race especially after 'slum dog millionaire'  had made on my list of perfect movies.

I am off now to prove tha inscription in the cemetery that reads: 'Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me' stands true. Some might think that it sounds deceptively safer with two; that thou is a slippery character and that every thou they have known has a way of going missing but I, I believe that thou art with me and that's what I will prove this year.

Talk 2 u later:)